


The Longest Second of your Life

by Old deeplyshallow (deeplyshallow)



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27154520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deeplyshallow/pseuds/Old%20deeplyshallow
Summary: Barney's thoughts during the end of Tick Tick Tick.
Relationships: Robin Scherbatsky/Barney Stinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	The Longest Second of your Life

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on fanfiction.net: 15/4/12

It only takes a second for your hopes and dreams to shatter apart.

Just like that thoughts of candles and rose petals and a future together, of a perfect forever, are revealed as the fairy tale you'd always known, in your heart, they were.

For one moment you had let yourself believe that you could have a happy ending, that you deserved one, that she could really be yours forever. It had been stupid, idiotic, delusional. Because why would someone like her ever want someone like you?

She might think she's broken, but she's not, she's awesome, amazing, wonderful and perfect, so, so perfect and you, you're so broken you can't ever remember being right. You're so damaged that no one can repair you. She deserves better than you. She deserves Kevin who is normal and kind and not a cheating bastard and knows how to make her feel right, who knows how to make her happy.

You didn't make her happy. You were a terrible boyfriend and an even worse ex. You didn't appreciate her when you had her, you made her feel that she was less awesome than she was, you forced her to be something she was not. You've lost count of the number times you've made her cry. No wonder she didn't want to try again. No wonder she doesn't love you like you love her. Who could?

You don't blame her. You don't blame her at all. You can't. You want her to be happy. That's the most important thing. If she wants happiness with someone else you want that too. Really the thing that matters is she always wears that beautiful smile, that she never compromises herself for someone else, that she gets her dreams. If she's happy you're happy too. You were just a fool to even hope that she'd want this happiness from you.

But it's hard to watch; hard to stop the tears from falling, hard to stop your heart when it is begging you to hold her close despite the consequences. It's hard to know what to do in a world where she can't be yours. Last time this happened you reinvented yourself, gave up everything you knew, everything you believed in just to escape. You can't do that now. She already knows everything about you. Reinventing means not seeing her and, even now, you know there's no worse pain than that. Anyway, Shannon rejected you when you still had some vestige of a soul left, what chance did you have now? What chance will you ever have?

You think of all the things you said to her, all the things you could have. Does it really matter anymore? She will never be yours, she never was really. In all honesty you wouldn't want her to be. Not if it held her back, not if she can do better than you. And of course she can, you only have to look at her to see that. So you let her go. Let her have her happiness without you. It's what you deserve really. Even if you're never completely whole without her, you'll cope, you always have.

So you return to her room to remove any trace of your hopes for the perfect future.


End file.
